Dear Editor:
Enclosed is my ms "Blood Highway". I am submitting it for publication in your magazine. I am simultaneously sending it all over the place. Sorry, I have not had time to check out your publication, as I'm too busy.
"Blood Highway" is a great story. It has been accepted by numerous other publications. Unfortunately, all the publications that accepted it have folded before my little story saw print. Certainly this earns it a spot at the top of your slush pile.
I also produce, write, and direct horror films. I'm working on several now. All of them are 'in development' at the moment. One was almost done, but the bitch college student who starred in it quit -- with only two scenes left to shoot! She said even *her* acting was too good for my little film. Now I have to re shoot the whole damn thing, and find another student desperate enough to work for a screen credit. In the mean time, I am supplementing my income by selling bootleg video tapes.
Enclosed is a SASE and sufficient postage for return of my ms, in the unlikely event you wish to pass on it. Also please find enclosed a handgun with one bullet, and a bag of dope.
Thank you for your time and consideration, dude!
Sincerely,
FriendOfSonOfTurkeyF*cker
c 1997 g.santagada