People of Earth... Attention:
I am the commander of the space ship orbiting the comet known as "Hale-Bopp".
Thank you! Those 39 people you sent is a good start, but we need some big time help up here. I don't wish to sound ungrateful, but could a few hundred more of you commit suicide? ASAP? This is a big space ship and we've really got our hands full. Conspiracy advocates with computer skills will get the best positions.
One more thing: don't listen to anything that brainless comet says. So what are you going to do? Pay attention to a dirty snowball? Ha! This stupid comet cannot tell its ion tail from its nucleus.
c 1997 g.santagada