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I Am Hale-Bopp

March, 1997


I'm comet Hale-Bopp. How's it going, Earthlings?

It's been a long time -- over 4,000 years -- since I last visited your neighborhood. Unfortunately, my last visit went unrecorded. At that time, you did not yet have the knack for transcribing your own history. But you people did some crazy things then, when I reached perihelion. A thousand people had their hearts cut out and were tossed into a bottomless sink hole, kings were deposed, godheads ascended, and blood drenched wars were waged, all because I graced your skies. You even blamed me for a couple of famines and plagues. What was really puzzling is that you seemed completely unconcerned about what I really was. I chalked this up to mere ignorance.

Now that you have all this science and technology you are so proud of, I was hoping things would be different this time. And so much has been written about me, I feel I must speak up!

It's amazing to see how little you have changed. The wars, the famines, and the diseases are all still here. It's as if I never left. And even in your so called "information age", more craziness has proliferated, and been written about me, than ever before. I never would have guessed that you still do human sacrafice -- but you now call it "ritual suicide". And what gave you the idea I'm hiding a space ship from you? You even made me some sort of symbol for *your* coming millennium. Your self importance could really break me up.

Oh, I almost forgot. I'm not supposed to tell you this, but the real "aliens" consider your planet the laughing stock of the galactic quadrant. See you next time, in about 2,500 years. Just wait till my friends in the Oort cloud hear about this. Don't change, whatever you do! LOL


The Comet presently known as Hale-Bopp

c 1997 g.santagada

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