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St. James on Flying Meatballs
(or The Absurdities of Sentient Meatballs)

Whatís WITH you people, anyway? Iím humbly talking to the Flying Spaghetti Monster adherents here, and Iím humbly suggesting that you are being taken for a mistaken motocross on a marinara moonbeamÖ

Granted, itís not that hard to understand the Fiery Tentacles of our beloved Jellies being mistaken for spaghetti noodles for, after all, noodles of all types are shaped somewhat naturally like Tentacles. Well, noodles of MOST types anyway. And, yea, I say to you, noodles are niceÖ no, thereís nothing wrong with noodles. But, come on, peopleÖ those are meatballs youíre seeing nestled in those noodles!!! Meatballs!!!

Now, mind you, I love a good meatball too. Yea, meatballs alone, and, yea, meatballs with spaghetti, and, yea, meatballs on subs, and, most especially yea, meatballs swimming in mushroom gravy over rice or even mashed potatoes.

But I say nay, mind you, when it comes time to worship and devotion. And here again Iím humbly addressing you worshipers, you devotees, you disciples of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. For, mind you, a meatball has no Mind. And without Mind there is no sentience, and without sentience there is no direction, and without direction there is recipe, and therein lies a recipe for disasterÖ

The mere thought of meatballs having thoughts is an absurdity, donít you think?

So I say to you: visualize your FSM, and visualize beside it a Jellyfish, and compare. Thereís no meatballs in baseball and, more importantly, thereís no meatballs in Jellies. Note the beauty and radiance of the Jelly. Note the sheer, divine, omnipresence of its Mind. Concentrate and you will see Mind emanating from the Jelly and overshadowing the lowly meatballs. In fact you may see the Jellyís distaste for the meatballs, for the Jelly knows there is no sentience there and they remind the Jelly of you and me ourselves. For arenít we ourselves, we mere humans, arenít we all just meatballs?

Realize the true way, the way of Cnidaria! For yea, there lies the truth and there lies your future! Praise the Jellies and await humbly for their return and for their subsequent Fiery Rain! Donít be surprised if, out of anger and spite, they even throw a few crackers and onions into the mix -- you MEATBALLS!!!

St. James, The Humble

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