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St. Young on Flatness
(or Kansas Isnít a Blasted One Kind of Blasted)

Friends,
I am often asked, ďWhy is Kansas so flat?Ē Is it a geological accident? Is it a natural transition phase between mountains and river? Is it due to receding glaciers?

No.

It is none of these.

Friends,
Kansas is flat because it is a cursed place. An old place, where terrible transgressions against the Sacred Jellyfish were committed eons ago. A place that had to be cleansed. To be purged. To be struck down. Where every trace of the pestilence and desecration had to be wiped clean down to the bedrock itself. In fact, the Ďflatí you see now is only the result of millennia upon millennia of regeneration upon this blasted land. After the Jellies took their terrible toll upon this site it was in fact the epicenter of a huge crater that would now reach from the depths of Oklahoma to the western parts of Iowa. So great was the scourging that needed to happen that chasm upon chasm was gouged out of the Earth until no trace of that sacrilege could be found.

Friends,
Donít ask what these terrible acts were. Donít ask how they came to happen. Donít even ask exactly how the Jelly Space Lords enacted this required ablation. Such things are too much for mortal minds and stomachs to fathom. Just know that it has happened in the past and it will happen again in the future. Keep ever vigilant and pure of heart and spirit and perhaps, just perhaps, you will not have to bear witness to a repeat of the terrible fate that Kansas bore.

Friends,
Go with peace.


St. Young, Operative B

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